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My kid doesn’t talk to me, how to rebuild the connection?


We all want to be close to our children and exchange with them as much as possible. Sometimes, our kids will share with us everything and some other times they will keep things from us. It’s normal for them to want to have their personal space and decide what they want to tell us or not. The problem comes up when they completely stop sharing with us.

 


The first thought would be to put the blame on the child: the hormonal change, developmental stage, the friends they have, and so on. Sometimes, it’s good to question ourselves as parents. Do we give them the attention they need when they need it? For instance, when we are going to pick up at school and we keep on talking with other parents without stopping when our kids come to us. They might try to speak and we shush them because we are in the middle of a conversation. At THAT moment, they want to tell us about something that happened at school NOT LATER when we are free to talk. Although, if an adult was to interrupt a conversation we are having with another parent at school; we would likely include this person in our conversation. We would not tell them to wait until we are finished, right? So why are we doing it with a little person? It’s time to shake things up a bit, don’t you think?

Another thing we could think about is the fact that we might not provide a space for them to share with us. If we are constantly busy with our adult life then when is the good time to be together and enjoy each other’s company?

I’ve notice that we spend more time correcting them than connecting with them. Don’t forget that they will be more likely to cooperate if we refill the emotional jug first by giving them affection, show interest in them, or play with them before giving commands.

 

It’s important to create a relationship with them where they know they can tell us anything without any worries that we might take actions without asking them, judge them, or reject them. All the contrary, for them to know they can count on us, trust us, be accepted for who they are, etc. We want to reassure them when they need it, listen to them when they want to talk about something, guide them and give them advice if they ask for it.

 

Keep in mind that they will resent us, if we act on something that happened to them without asking first if they want us to do something about it. See, in many situations they want to try to resolve their issues alone, or not do anything about it. A parent who will go and talk to that parent or to the teacher or to that kid, will break the trust there is with the child.

 

If you want to know what strategies we can use to rebuild the connection with our kid, be in touch at onceuponatimeaparent.co.uk.

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